Politics Archives - The Onion

Address: [go: up one dir, main page]

Include Form Remove Scripts Accept Cookies Show Images Show Referer Rotate13 Base64 Strip Meta Strip Title Session Cookies

Skip to content

The Onion newspaper

Become a Member. Get the Paper.

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

81°

Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed

America’s Finest News Source

News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
The Onion Store

News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
The Onion Store

Tuesday, August 4, 2026

81°

Smoggy with a soupcon of ragweed

Become A Member

The Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Video
Search
Horoscopes
About Us
The Onion Store
- Instagram
- Twitter
- Facebook
- YouTube
- TikTok
- Bluesky
- Tumblr

Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
TikTok
Bluesky
Tumblr

Politics

Politics
Pentagon Declassifies Files On Blimps
ARLINGTON, VA—In what may be the largest-ever disclosure of government data concerning the mysterious aerial phenomena, Pentagon officials announced Wednesday…

Politics
Trump Baselessly Claims He Is Viral 40-Pound Tabby Cat Named Daddy Cinnamon
Politics
Rep. Max Miller: ‘I Refuse To Resign Over What My Wife Made Me Do’
Politics
RFK Jr. Cooking Show Features Easy Weeknight Meals Using Ingredients Already In Own Body
Politics
Iran War Enters 6th Justification

Become A Member Of The Last Functioning Part Of Our Democracy.

Join The Onion Today

Read More

Politics
Congress Interrogates Fauci Over Origins Of Pie Brought To Cookout
WASHINGTON—Accusing the physician of not being straight with the American people, an often hostile Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee this week interrogated Anthony Fauci over the origins…
Politics
Everyone In Oval Office Meeting Currently In Some Stage Of Stroke
Politics
RFK Jr. Reminded Not To Microwave Himself In Office Kitchen
WASHINGTON—Responding to repeated complaints about the smell and the difficulty of reheating lunch while the U.S. Cabinet member was still rotating inside the appliance, Department…
Politics
U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs
WASHINGTON—Touting the new line of currency as an important way to recognize the many babes bagged by the commander-in-chief over the years, the U.S. Mint…
Politics
Mike Johnson Struggles To Hold Speaker Gavel While Wearing Anti-Masturbation Mitts
WASHINGTON—Apologizing to his fellow congressmen after he fumbled the wooden handle for the fifth time in a row, Speaker of the House Mike Johnson was…
Politics
Trump Insists Frequent Naps Necessary To Protect U.S. Interests In Dreamland
WASHINGTON—Vehemently defending his controversial closed-eye moments, President Donald Trump insisted Monday that his frequent naps were necessary to protect U.S. interests in Dreamland. “It may…

Like A Vitamin You Ingest With Your Eyes. Get The Onion Newsletter.

"*" indicates required fields

Name

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

Subscribe For All the Latest Headlines*

*

By subscribing to our newsletter you have read, understood and agree to the terms of our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use

Δ

Politics
Political Profile: Todd Blanche
Amid concerns over a $1.8 billion fund to compensate Jan. 6 rioters and his handling of the Epstein files, acting Attorney General Todd Blanche faces…
Politics
Mitch McConnell Clarifies Absence Due To Brief Planned Trip To Afterlife
WASHINGTON—Explaining that the public had no reason to be alarmed over his temporary leave, Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) clarified Friday that his absence from Congress…
Politics
Female Supreme Court Justices Formally Request Protection From Brett Kavanaugh
WASHINGTON—Acknowledging that the danger would be difficult to manage and impossible to eliminate altogether, the Supreme Court’s female justices nevertheless appeared before Congress this week to…
Politics
Public Begs Mitch McConnell To Stop Releasing Photos Of Himself
WASHINGTON—In an emotional press conference driven by fear and desperation, the American public begged Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) on Thursday to stop releasing photos of…
Politics
Barack Obama Pretends To Be Canadian While Traveling Abroad
PARIS—In an effort to blend in with other tourists and avoid negative repercussions for being American, former U.S. President Barack Obama was reportedly pretending this…
Politics
White House Hovering, Falling 10 Feet Off Ground In Sync With Melania Snoring

1 2 3 … 334

1 … 334

Advertising

American Voices

American Voices
U.S. Bans Foreign-Made Humanoid Robots
American Voices
Schools Deploy Pepper Spray Drones To Combat Shootings
American Voices
Red Cross Warns Blood Supply Alarmingly Low

Cartoons

Grave Concerns
Who’s Bad?
All Things Musk Pass
Thou Shalt Not Kilt
Rigged Erection

Join The Millions Of Others Who Entered In Their Credit Card Number.

Become An Onion Member Today

Advertising

Advertising

The Latest

Politics
Pentagon Declassifies Files On Blimps
Local
Shaman Named Dwayne
Obituaries
Stella Leonard
News
New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Had Quinceañeras

Your Horoscope — Today’s Birthday

Leo

(July 23 to August 22):

Everyone likes attention, but it’s unlikely your nephew chose to have an asthma attack during your wedding ceremony.

Read Your Horoscope

Subscribe for all the latest Headlines

"*" indicates required fields

Get All The Latest Headlines By Email, Once A Day*

*

By subscribing to our newsletter you have read, understood and agree to the terms of our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use

Δ

Sections

The Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Video

Explore

Search
About Us
Become a Member
The Onion Store
Front Page Archive
Jobs

© 2026

The Onion

Print Membership Terms

Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
TikTok
Bluesky
Tumblr