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New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Had Quinceañeras
BOZEMAN, MT—Upending long-held beliefs about how the prehistoric reptiles commemorated a juvenile female’s transition into adulthood, new evidence published Thursday…

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Is Taking A GLP-1 Worth It?
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Technological Advancements Allow Data Centers To Run On Even More Electricity
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Powerball By The Numbers
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U.S. Instates Military Wife Draft

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Elon Musk: ‘Revenge Porn Is A Human Right’
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Pros And Cons Of Arresting Netanyahu
A new poll found that 49% of Americans believe the U.S. should arrest Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, compared with 27% who do not and…
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NASA Requires Astronauts In Training To Drop To 25 Pounds To Simulate Weight On Moon
HOUSTON—Instituting the health mandate in order to ensure proper acclimation to the reduced gravity of Earth’s only natural satellite, NASA officials announced Wednesday that it…
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Pharmaceutical Ad Urges Viewers To Fight Doctors Who Say Drug Not Right For Them
NORTH CHICAGO, IL—Emphasizing that potential users of the drug should never take no for an answer, a Skyrizi ad that began airing nationally Tuesday encourages…
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Tanning: Myth Vs. Fact
A viral trend called “tanmaxxing” is encouraging Gen Z to ignore the documented risks associated with prolonged UV exposure and forgo sunscreen in pursuit of…
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Profits Soar As Taylor Farms Rebrands As Biological Weapons Manufacturer

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Study: Majority Of Americans Would Benefit From Decreased Phone Use During Sex
WASHINGTON—Shedding light on the negative effects of excessive screen time, a new study from Georgetown University published Thursday found that most Americans would benefit from…
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New Geneva Convention Allows Use Of Child Soldiers With Signed Permission Slip
GENEVA—In an effort to codify parental oversight for underage troops, a new Geneva Convention adopted Thursday reportedly allowed for the use of child soldiers with…
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‘I Was Once A Normal Little Boy Like You,’ Disney World Donald Duck Warns Terrified Child
ORLANDO, FL—In what eyewitnesses described as a deeply disturbing and totally unhinged interaction, a Disney World Donald Duck reportedly warned a terrified child Thursday that…
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Tate Brothers Vehemently Deny They Did Anything Consensual
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‘No Bars Can Hold Me,’ Says Andrew Tate Entering 9th Hour Of Trying To Pry Open Cell
MIAMI—Confined to a federal detention center in Florida and facing extradition to the U.K. on multiple charges of human trafficking and rape, social media influencer…
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Study Finds There Aren’t Enough Occasions Where You Get To Eat Rolls
ITHACA, NY—Concluding that Americans were being forced to endure huge stretches of the year without any obvious social pretext for serving warm bread, a new…

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New Evidence Suggests Dinosaurs Had Quinceañeras

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