FetLife Anmeldelser 

Straight up, FetLife Caretakers partake in racial profiling of minority users who they target for random timeouts without explanation or any responses. If you're a POC, do not sign up for this website.

In response to FetLife's response, y'all are liars. Ain't noone looking at the emails or responding to them. Get real.

If I could give it less than 1 star I would. My genuine experience has been very unpleasant. There has been blatant disregard for my safety on that site, despite constantly reporting. I have been targeted by a particular "caretaker," victimised, shadowbanned for speaking out about the unsafe practices on the site and utter lack of transparency on this site's leadership. I've also experienced been locked out, with no reason provided and no apology when they backed the wrong Aussie. It was only after the community outrage at my treatment that my account was reinstated. I'm speaking only for myself here, but there were other people treated the same way. I was locked out a second time, for speaking out against the ongoing racism, transphobia, bigotry and misogyny. Again, I am speaking only from my experience, though there were a great many others. This has been MY experience and I have evidence to support it.

Edit: within moments of this review going live, I received an email stating that FetLife asked for more details to "better understand your experience." Including my name and phone number. I won't be providing them with more ammunition to use against me. That would be stupid.

Second Edit: Since my last edit, mere hours ago, Fetlife had my review flagged for containing "defamatory content." Trust Pilot reviewed and within 17 minutes, decided that "it's not defamatory." Whoever it is from FetLife that's watching these reviews like a hawk, I have some advice. You'd spend your time better responding to the reports on the systematic racism, transphobia, mysoginy, ableism, sexism, trolling, predation and abuse that we lodge and YOU choose to actively and deliberately ignore. Maybe then, you wouldn't get so many reviews that look like this one. Also, it's NOT defamation if it's the truth. You should learn the definition of that word, before trying to bully every negative reviewer off Trust Pilot. To anyone else reading this, you DO NOT HAVE TO GIVE FETLIFE any further info. Just let Trust Pilot handle it.

I joined Fetlife expecting a safe, inclusive environment for exploring kink — but what I experienced raised serious concerns. I came across content and interactions that I felt were blatantly racist, transphobic, ableist, and misogynistic. In some cases, users seemed to be openly harassing others, particularly women and marginalized members, with little visible moderation.
As a cis man, I wasn’t personally targeted — but I witnessed repeated instances where women and femme-identifying users, were subjected to aggressive, stalker-like behavior. When others tried to call this out, I noticed their accounts being limited or silenced, which gave me the impression that speaking up about safety could get you penalized.
While some users may have positive experiences on Fetlife, I found the platform’s approach to moderation troubling. I believe Fetlife could do much more to protect its community and to ensure that it truly is the safe space it claims to be.

Fetlife penalise people for having mental health issues.

Multiple times they remove my account claiming I have broken community guidelines. Conveniently, this always happens after posting about my mental health.

They've claimed that I raped someone, which not being in prison I clearly didn't.

They do not provide any evidence of your "breach" of community guidelines.

Fetlife hosts a community of largely anxious, depressed and generally mental health community. Well, no wonder their users are so messed up if this is how they get treated.

Avoid this toxic community and website, you'll be better off.

After I criticised the CEO and the Caretakers for their inaction against the vile, racist, transphobic, homophobic and sexist trolls that permeate the site, my account had a Shadowban slapped on it.

Now none of my posts make it into anybody's activity feed. My friends have to manually visit my account to see anything I post. None of my emails to support have been answered, nor have my emails to the caretakers begging them to take action against the trolls.

Fetlife protects these people, even though they're in clear breach of the website's own terms of use.

So much for a platform "designed to be safe, inclusive, and driven by real needs - not profits".

EDIT: And now Fetlife are demanding my name and phone number in order to "better understand my experience". How many shadowbans do you guys actually have in place?

Second edit: And now their latest tactic.

Rather than deal with the trolls abs remove them from the platform for violating tuber own terms of use, they choose to forcibly block those who stand up to them from any interaction. They literally give trolls a free run at further victims.

But criticise the CEO or put revenue at risk? That gets you locked out of your account.

An absolutely useless experience. You spend your time setting up your profile, trying to be as clear and informative as you can, and then have to deal with fossils who don't even have the maturity to manage their sections with communication. You'll just log in to find your post removed, your account banned from the group, and the admins have blocked you so you can't even ask why.

An absolute pile of dog poop. And they ask money for it, lol.

Premetto che sono una persona particolare i più ignoranti direbbero che sono distaccat*, poco loquace e addirittura fredd* ma non sanno di cosa parlano metto l’* alla fine perché Voglio rimanere in anonimato non si sa mai tra tutti questi matti online btw sicuramente è un sito di kink e ho incontrato persone normali ed altre che prendono un po’ troppo sul serio la loro parte da uomo che domina tuttavia mi danno fastidio quelle pubblicità sotto che fanno francamente schifo c’è a chi piacciono forse ma io non sono disturbat* sai com’è state attenti ai feticisti dei piedi perché sono pericolosi

Absolute Scam. And writing it as a female. After a month of slowly exploring the page my account was deleted for no reason. No one is there to help.Contacted the customer support twice, IT is a joke, they will not send the password reset email even if you are an active user. So after a month you can lose access to the account JUST LIKE THAT.

The customer service of this website has gotten worse over the years because the site has grown too big.
Fetlife has lost contact with the community.
When I worked in customer service, I was told if a customer asked questions to always reply with honest answers. Your lucky if you get a response from the Caretakers’s and even if you do, there not actually answering your questions or concerns.
They have put me on a time out without telling me. I’ve had to ask. It’s like an electric company disconnecting your electric and you find out when you try to turn electric on.
John Baku needs to come back down to earth and listen to the community.
The caretakers need to respond to customers and get both sides of story before shutting down an account

I have sent you my case number. Considering I’ve chased you and had no response. It’s poor.

Plus you just took there word and didn’t contact me.

Fetlife. Thank you for the response. The issue is you only looked at one side of the story. Not once did you ask for mine. So I can’t see how you could give an honest decision. From my security background, you have failed be badly. I’m actually thinking about going to the press about your incompetence and how the site can’t handle the growth of its website and the safety of its clients.

Ok, so it's been about 8 years ago when I joined Fetlife. However, at first I didn't understand how to use it. But it didn't take long. Once you meet someone local that can get you vetted to attend parties and you go munches and meet people it can be a blast. I learned so much about myself. I'm no longer active now due to health reasons. But I will always have fond memories of the times I had, the people I met, and the parties I attended! I was very very active!!! I miss it a little. But it no longer serves me. I loved Fetlife. I suppose it can be different in each area. But Austin, TX was a blast!

If you’re thinking of restarting or deactivating your account… don’t. It’s literally like I’ve been shadow banned, from growing to 1K in 6 months with my first account to barely getting 100 in 2 months with my new one. I’m not sure why they don’t like you to restart or deactivate, but yeah it’s weird

Comme sur beaucoup de site e rencontre, les hommes hétéro sis, sont tout de suite mis de côté, interdit dans certaines soirées et mis de côté dans les autres.
La plupart des femmes interdisent a ses même hommes de les contacté et si vous passer outre vous êtes d 'office signalé.
Je pensais avoir trouvé un endroit ou échangé, finalement c'est une perte de temps et plus envie de soutenir cette "cause"

I was on Fetlife for over 15 years. This week, I was abruptly told that Fetlife had received 'reports' about me from 'other users' (no details, very Stalineque) and that as a consequence, my account had been blocked. I would have to verify it to continue. I was not happy to do so because Fetlife required a government document (just a little self-important for a fetish website?) and frankly, I don't trust them with such an important document as a British passport.

Moved to using my second account (set up for different kink) and...two days later the same thing happened.

So clearly someone - inside or outside the administration - has some kind of problem with me, and is stalking me, intent on getting me banned.

Mission achieved, I guess.

Poor show, though.

I am honest in that I think generally Fetlife is a good site, but it has its limitations and has got less and less enjoyable over the fourteen or so years I have been a member.
The world of kinky sex has been upended by feminism and gender politics.
I am Bi sexual and have never had any doubts or missgivings about it.
I also find slim toned girls far more attracftive than overweight ones.
I am not a young man and in truth I find a lot of ageism.
I'm also not a munch goer and prefer much more discreet meetings, but as such, I am sometimes labelled a geriatric creep.
It is not easy to meet other kinky people for relationships and mutual sexual satisfaction.
What others say about gatekeepers is true.
A number of interest groups are overseen by zealots, especially feminists who will jump on your every word if you as much as criticise the status quo.
The other thing that is a but of a pain is the dominance of Americans.

Broken website, not user friendly at all. I've been trying to get my email verified for days just so I can use my account. I'm required to have a FetLife account to attend certain events but it doesn't seem worth the hassle!

From a technical perspective, Fetlife is well-built. The site is structured well and has interesting features. Unfortunately, the real issue lies in the users of this site.

I created a blank profile simply to browse, with a bio stating that I wasn’t looking for private messages, real-life interaction, or explicit conversation. Despite that, I received dozens of unsolicited messages—none from users in my age range. I was 18 at the time. Most of the people who contacted me were in their late 30s to 60s. One person even disclosed being over 70.

Regardless of legality, we can't justify why so many older users feel comfortable pursuing someone barely into adulthood, especially when that person has made it clear they are not seeking contact. Many of these messages ignored my preferences entirely, and there was an overwhelming sense of entitlement and disregard for boundaries. It seems obvious they had 0 respect for me as a person.

There were also instances of receiving unsolicited explicit photos, which, unfortunately, seems common online, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. The repeated expectation from strangers that I should be immediately open, responsive, or submissive was deeply off-putting (we had nothing in common and no prior interaction).

This was not a pleasant experience. If you're seeking unsoliticed messages from geriatric men who don't actually have anything in common with you, this site might be right up your alley.

Their community "caretakers" do not care.

I signed up Feb 2025. I was LOCKED out of my account with no recourse, email, communication or conversation April 2025.

After digging through every email address I could find on my own to reach out to, I received a canned response:
"We don’t currently allow newly created accounts primarily to promote or sell goods and services. This includes, but isn’t limited to, content sellers, sugar daddies or babies, FinDoms, and other promotional-style profiles.

As a result, your account has been placed in our deletion queue and will be permanently removed in 7 days.

You’re welcome to return with a new account in the future—ensure it aligns with our guidelines. If you’d like to reuse the same email or phone number, please note that you’ll need to wait until 7 days after deletion for those details to clear from our system."

I have an export of all my data that proves I was NOT "primarily selling goods or services". I was actively engaging with groups. I was in DMs with potential play partners, vetting them to see if we matched. I was in DMs with someone whom - while not a play partner - we were exploring a PLATONIC dynamic as we enjoyed just conversing with each other. I was in the process of being vetted for 2 events I was interested in attending.

Of ALL the DMs I received, many potentials were turned down. If I was an account primarily selling goods and services, you don't say "no" to a 'sale'.

I put a lot of work into my account. I put a lot of work into my engagement and HOW I showed up in the community space - with the expressed purpose of experiencing my local kink community in a safe, sane, and consensual way and to have had that ripped from me with no recourse is NOT the way to run a business / platform of any kind.

So now my account is in queue to be purged. Meanwhile I'm hoping against hope to have someone actually LOOK at the content and activity of my profile and answer the question I asked their canned response "what's being promoted or sold"?

There are profiles that charge you money just to get a response to your DM. There are profiles that post only click bait teaser photos that lead to their OF or other such site. I don't knock folks working in the industry. Meanwhile, my profile had NO kink photos because I'm very private and selective. There were no teaser videos or click bait pictures Yet mine was the account locked out for "primarily selling goods or services".

I have never, in any community, social, and/or business interaction been through an experience where you're disregarded without so much as a conversation if there was confusion or a temporary lockout with email and warning if there was a violation.

What's even more nonsensical about this is that a week later you can just come back all over again. So not only did you just place in a queue to burn to ash all the community connections I made and work I've done to integrate myself into the local kink community but, if I truly were a violator, all I need to do is wait 7 days and start from scratch all over again?

Mind you, another layer to this, for me being a person who was never given the courtesy of a conversation, IF I decided to come back to FL, I still don't know WHAT was the issue to avoid, or confusion that locked me out because, once again, I was not there to SELL goods or services to begin with.

This was the WORST experience, the WORST treatment, and about as harmful as the ab*sers they allow to roam free.

In all honesty, don't waste your time with FL. While there are some great people there, those who run it are far from. Their website say they're not a faceless corporation, but that's precisely 1000% how they treat you. I've been treated better BY faceless corporations.

Edit to Add:
I've tried to work this out with FetLife prior to submitting this review. I've sent professional, coherent emails, hoping to discuss, resolve, appeal. Every word I've said I have backed up with proof. It would be preferable to discuss this and have my account reinstated before it's permanently yeeted from their purge queue.

However, aside from their canned response, I've heard nothing from them. They've refused to conduct themselves in a manner consistent with community or care. So I'll continue sharing my honest, professional, and truthful reviews because I believe others out there deserve to know this is how someone gets treated.

Edit to Update 4/23/2025:
Instead of reaching out to try and resolve this amicably, Fetlife has tried - twice - to flag me with TrustPilot. This review, just like my FL profile, was created according to guidelines. I have a feeling I know what's next....but we'll see. Meanwhile, their actions just serve to underscore everything I stated in my review.

Op zich een goede site. Alleen uitkijken in groepen, als je iets plaatst kun je het bericht niet verwijderen. Dus krijg je een jaar eens nog reacties op.

Had my account for almost 7 years and six years ago met my now ex girlfriend of five years but after returning fetlife is not the same in fact its completely trash now I was lucky to meet three women there in the last year but beyond that its a complete waste of time with Onlyfans, scammers, fake accounts and no one responds ever now and you get lots of guys wanting you to have sex with them sorry no offense but not my jam so to speak and not looking to jam anything in your poop shoot

I cant set up an account. It wants a phone number and when I put it in it says there is a problem. There does not seem to be another way to sign up if it does not like your phone number (email etc) which is very frustrating. My friend has used Fetlife and tried to tell me about it but without having my phone number accepted or just using email I cant sign up